It's Hannah: November 2, 2014

That was the day I got baptized. All I can say is that what a day it was. I woke up excited and ready to go. But as time went I became so scared and full of emotion that I had never felt before. I honestly couldn't tell you what I was feeling in those moments because I don't even know myself.

I had signed up on a whim. I've wanted to be baptized for a while but I hadn't wanted to do a video, nor did I want to do it in front of a couple hundred people. But I was feeling led to do it, so I did. As the weeks went on I was fine. I was so excited to be baptized and ready for it. Then my mother happened. Oh, she means well, but boy did she freak me out a lot. What if they can't lift you back up out of the water? What if you don't fit in the tub? You'll be in front of so many people! The more comments that were made the less I wanted to do it. But I never backed out.

So the day came and I was so nervous. I knew how many people would be there. I knew this day would be about me and I didn't want that. Having this kind of attention freaked me out and I didn't like it one bit. I got to my church my duffel bag full of my change of clothes in one hand and my towel in the other. If anyone knows me well enough, they know that I cry at the stupidest things. Every time I saw someone who meant a lot to me - I cried. Maybe it was that I realized what was happening and that they all had played some kind of role in bringing me to the place I am today. I was just so full of emotion that I couldn't hold it in. At all.

I watched each of the other people go, which helped my nerves, but not my crying. At this time my youth paster came to me. And in all honesty I lost it. Whatever I thought I had been holding back was gone, never have I cried so much by just looking at a person. This man was the reason I was there in that moment. He was the reason my life changed, he was the reason I am where I am today. And having him there next to me that morning meant the world. The first words I said during a video I had to record was, I want Jeff there otherwise I won't do it. And there he was.

Once it was my turn there were still tears. Why on Earth was I crying? In John 11:35 it says, Jesus wept. For myself, I can't honestly say why I was crying. As I've thought back on that day, I truly believe it was the Holy Spirit in me. Those were His tears for me. I was saying goodbye to my old life, and saying hello to this new one. Those tears were shed for myself and for Jesus.

I have a new understanding for a lot of things. I'm still learning. I'm learning how to love better. I'm learning how to be more patient. I'm learning how to be more like Him. And I know it's going to take time. I know I'm going to stumble and fall. I know I'm going to disappoint Him and myself. But I'm going to keep treading on. Because that's what we do. Life is messy and complicated and hard. But it's also beautiful and incredible and completely worth it.