I'm an open book, always have been, always will be. I enjoy telling my stories and I enjoy hearing about other people's stories. So I thought I'd share some little things about myself to keep the open book thing rolling. 

+ I love my job. I work with amazing, incredible, beautiful two year olds. They are my best friends. 

+ I'm a shopaholic. No surprise there.

+ I hate winter. Me and the cold do not go well together. Yuck.

+ I've never had a boyfriend. Not in all my eighteen years. But I want one. Hint hint. 

+ I've lived in the same city my entire life. I love it a lot. 

+ I've dreamed of being a writer since I was in Middle School and moving to New York.

+ I worked in retail for a year. It taught me a lot about the fashion industry and also made me hate socializing with strangers. 

+ I'm a leader for a group of 7th grade girls at my church. I adore every single one of them. 

+ My favorite book is Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. 

+ I have an obsession with candles. 'Nuff said. 

+ I've been to Gatlinburg, Tennessee three times. 

+ I've never been to Disney World. (Please be good to me 2015, I want to go!)

+ My favorite show is New Girl

+ I've broken both of my arms - not at the same time. 

+ I've been through one major surgery and it was the scariest time in my life. 

+ I love Jesus. 

Those are fun! Everyone should try it at some point in your life. You get to learn a little bit more about yourself. 

A Letter To My Future Husband

A new series of posts that I've begun to work on. Letters to the people who mean the most to me in my life - or in this situation not quite in my life yet. 


To my future husband,

As I was at church Sunday morning, I watched all the young married couples walking hand in hand, with their coffee and Bibles in the other. And I couldn't help but wish that I had what they did. Any moment spent with my parents and sister I treasure, but for once, I wanted to be the one with someone there next to me, holding my hand. It seems selfish, I know. To be at church and to be focused on the young, beautiful couple sitting in front of me instead of listening to what my pastor was saying. But in that moment it was so hard. They were so in love, so infatuated with each other. I couldn't help myself, that in that moment I thought of you. That part of my life that is a mystery - an unknown. 

I've always imagined myself getting married in a white dress outside just as the summer turns into fall, the leaves just beginning to change and the perfect time for pumpkins and mason jars to line the isle of chairs. I've always imagined you at the end of that isle smiling, maybe crying, but smiling. Excited to start our future together. I've always imagined my father giving me away, quietly saying a prayer over the both of us or whispering a blessing of some kind. I've always imagined a pastor at my church up there next to us giving us our vows and then us reading some of our own. I've always imagined one or both of us crying, and wiping each others tears. I've always imagined us praying right until the moment the ceremony is over. I've always imagined who I'd be spending the rest of my life with in that moment. 

Life is crazy and life is unpredictable. That's what makes it so beautiful. So maybe I'll meet you tomorrow, maybe I'll meet you next week, or next year. So for now, I'll continue dreaming, I'll continue writing, I'll continue to be the person God has made me to be until we meet. I'll be praying for you that you're the man that God has called you to be and that your heart is full of God's love through your love for Him. And I'll pray for a steady heart and that I become the woman that God has called me to be for you. 

We'll have trials and we'll have tribulations but I promise to be there. I promise to love you with everything that I have. I promise to lead you closer to God as I hope that you will do the same for me. 

I'm excited to meet you. 

I'm A Writer.

I'm a writer. That's just who I am and who I've always been. It's something I've done when I'm sad, happy, mad, upset, and at some of the happiest times of my life. I am a writer.

It helps me to let go of things that I can't handle or things that make me upset. So I begin to type and let my fingers do the rest. I've been blessed with this gift that I intend on sharing. I love to do it. It's my passion. Even if I haven't studied it in school and I don't currently have a degree, I can still say it - I'm a writer.

When my grandpa died, I remember scribbling song lyrics in my yellow notebook every day after school. I would write these lyrics that meant so much to me, but looking back on them they really were so awful. And that was the spark that led to the fire I had inside me for writing. I never stopped. It was my therapy. I would lose a close friend - then I'd write. I would get a bad grade in a class - I'd write. I would experience one of the happiest day of my life - I'd write until my fingers bled. It was something that was always there for me when I felt alone.

For a while in High School I had stopped. It wasn't the cool thing to do. Admitting that you love to write made you weird or friendless. So I stopped. Those were a lonely couple of years. I missed my imagination. I missed the way a pen felt in my hand when I scribbled words across a piece of paper. I missed lying awake until 3am writing about these characters I had created in my head. Until I had found a piece of the puzzle that I had been missing for so long: God.

The Bible says that each of us has a God given gift. Something that God has blessed us with to share with other people and to give Him the glory for. That was my missing puzzle piece. The piece that I needed to ignite that spark I had for writing so many years ago.

I didn't care anymore. I wanted to do what I loved. I wasn't going to stop writing just to please anyone but my creator.

Why am I writing this, you ask? Well, mostly because it's been a rough couple of days and I've realized that I had quite a bit of built up frustration stirring inside of me. And this helped. It may not have fixed the situation that I'm in, it still helped me figure a few things out.

Life is funny that way, huh? We sure do serve an awesome God.

Why I'm Taking A Year Off

Life is funny. We change our mind. We believe we want one thing but truly want another. All throughout High School, I had planned on going to a university right away. I worked hard to try and achieve it, but my efforts still weren't enough to get me a scholarship that allowed me to be financially comfortable. So I didn't go.

So here I am, dropping my classes for this winter. I had planned on going, and totally excited about going. But then reality set in and my bill was sent to my house. $2,190 for three classes. Now granted, that's not a lot of money to go to school, but for my family it's a lot to drop. For goodness sakes, my parents are trying to buy a house. How on earth could I ask them for help? I wouldn't. I couldn't. I work part time at a daycare center and it would take me months to come up with that money.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have absolutely no clue. So why go to school when I don't know? Or maybe it's just an excuse to not go to school. I don't know. But it's just not something that I feel is necessary right now. I like enjoying my life without worrying about paying for my college or juggling both full time school and part time work. I like being able to go to late night movies without having to take my homework with me. I like being able to go shopping whenever I want without worrying about how I'm going to make my next school payment. I can't do that. Not right now. I don't want to.

So I'm taking a year off. To just enjoy life. Period.

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